Cute To Kill: The Real Reason You Can't Stand Your Partner At Times (And What You Can Do About It)

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David Bird Cognitive Hypnotherapy in Leighton Buzzard

One of my favourite expressions of infatuation is at the end of Moose Blood's song 'Cheek':

You're my favourite when,
You're smoking on the pavement and,
You've got your collar up,
You're talking too much.
And god damn it's cold.

Right. Let's break this down.

Your conversation partner is talking for you both. Not just a lot. It's too much. And It's cold. So cold in fact, you're getting JC's old man involved.

If it was any old Randy Random, you'd interrupt the lack of verbal reciprocity with a loud "JEEZ IT'S COLD OUT HERE". And quickly upgrade in both temperature and attention.

But it's not Randy. It's that person. The one who regresses you to 14. Everything they do is cute. So much so, you'd risk frostbite just to hear them not let you get a word in edgeways. So why the rose-tinted glasses?

Our old friend, cognitive bias.

Your brain struggles to hold two conflicting ideas at once. It creates cognitive dissonance. And it's constantly fighting to reduce it. Even if it has to bend reality to do so.

Ever had a conversation with someone prejudiced about "those types of people". Only to listen as they explain away 'exceptions' to their rule? That kind of rationalising the brain does all the time.

If 'that thing' annoys you now, it probably always did. It just got rationalised in the infatuation haze. So what can you do now?

Your brain makes a pattern match when 'that thing' happens. The first step to get some control back is recognising this: it's not about the thing. It's what the thing means to you.

Try asking yourself these:

  • What about 'that thing' annoys me so much?

  • If there was something it reminded me of, what would it be?

This can help get perspective. It might not eradicate the irritation. But it can give you an experience of how it really isn't about the person doing it. It's about your brain's interpretation.

Experience that, and real change can begin.

Looking to make a change? Cognitive Hypnotherapy in Leighton Buzzard can help you. Get in touch to learn how